My First Year Of Practice Was Almost My Last
It will all be ok, eventually at least, is what I am trying to say.
I am sitting here contemplating my own legal career as I continue to imagine what retirement in stages for a lawyer like me may look like.
A life in legal practice that in fact nearly ended as quickly as it started.
So, I am proud to say I managed to get this far in my legal career.
I say that as during my first year of practice, I regularly was ready to leave it.
Very regularly.
Like most days.
Run out the door and never come back leave.
Throw it all away, leave - leave.
Most of these decisions albeit were made and remade again at 3am in the morning.
By 7am, I was usually back at work.
Don’t leave practice in your first year out, regardless of whether you are a lawyer or any other first year professional.
The above is sage advice, trust me.
There is a caveat, as always, however. If you are being bullied, harassed, threatened, being placed in danger, or clearly working for unethical people – walk, act quickly – things will not get better.
Where was I?
Oh, I wanted to leave a lot during my first year.
Was it the people I worked for? – no, they were fine, honest, knowledgeable, and supportive.
Did I dislike the work I was doing? No, it was in my preferred area of litigation. Interesting work.
Were the clients pressing my buttons? No, they were appreciative and supportive of what I was doing for them.
Was it the hours? No, the hours were what I expected as a litigator – in and out of court, no two days really the same.
So, what was the problem you ask?
It was me.
I was the problem.
More specifically, the expectation of myself as a freshly minted lawyer.
I, and it seems just I, not anyone else around me, had this ridiculously unrealistic expectation of myself as some sort of super lawyer, a fully functioning experienced lawyer that could do it all almost straight away.
Why so? – well it was about proving to myself and everyone around me I was up to being a lawyer and that I was delivering bang for buck in what I and others had invested of me through my legal education and sacrifices made. It was therefore time to perform and deliver.
Nice benchmark for a lawyer maybe 5 to 7 years out, but not necessarily for a new one.
It was not without warning, of course.
A friend who was a senior lawyer told me so one day, when I was studying at university. He said the pressure to perform and stresses in early years, won’t be from your boss, your clients, or your fellow workers, it will be from yourself.
He was right, so right.
Invariably that first year, whenever something did not go as planned, I would be harder on myself than I should have been.
A few things in a row gone bad, then it was, why am I doing this? I am not cut out for this.
A few more – that’s it – I am not a lawyer - I am out.
Repeat and repeat. You can fill in the gaps.
Not a fun way to spend that first year, with a voice almost constantly in the back of your head saying – what are doing here, you aren’t cut out to be a lawyer.
Imposter syndrome. Classic lack of self-confidence. Unrealistic expectations. Tick, tick, tick.
Even more ironically, most of the people around me were telling me what a good lawyer I was becoming.
Still no impact.
But….I stuck it out.
I am stubborn. Sicilian roots give you that.
What changed everything you ask?
Just time.
Anything else? No, just time.
I just kept showing up.
With time, I started to see things becoming a bit easier. I could do things quicker. I had small successes that were down to me. I made connections in how things worked. I could navigate everyone and everything better and my own self esteem developed into things will be ok.
About 3-4 years in, this was.
I was just being too hard on myself.
I stayed a lawyer.
A lesson.
I had (and have) consistently overestimated what I could do in a year of professional practice and underestimated what I could do in five years or over a decade.
My advice the whole time that I have taught law graduates just about to enter the legal profession has been the same - “Do not quit practising law in your first year out. If you are thinking of doing that, please reach out to me before you do it so we can have a chat”.
I make the same offer to you.
I have never told anyone this story.
In the end, it was all ok.
